I was just thinking about the books I've read that have taught me something I consider to be indispensable. As much as we like to value fables, parables and allegories for life lessons, I'm not sure how many of those "lessons" in fiction I've retained and applied to my life.
Maybe it's just me, but the stuff that I seem to remember is what I've learned through nonfiction. The three most influential books in my life thus far have been:
"Who Moved my Cheese?" sound ridiculous? I found this book sitting in my Dad's basement during a time when I'd dropped out of college, totalled my car and moved in with my Dad's second-marriage family because he just happened to live within walking distance of my job. It's a short book, and I'd heard something about it so I read it. One line that got me and I'll never forget the message of, "sometimes it feels like you're moving one step forward and two steps back" cliche, I know. But the book went on to explain why in spite of that it's better to feel like a failure, after trying something new, then just stay in the same place. Amen. That snippet planted the seed that eventually led to me finishing school and moving to New York. It was the reassurance I needed, to know that someone out there knew it wasn't a cake walk--and that it's okay to not know what you're doing and fall on your face.
"The 48 Laws of Power" I picked this book up because I loved the way the author used historical references to back up his laws. Lots of juicy bits about military strategy, dodgy politicians and con men. As I read the book, I realized how the laws had been used on me--and how well they worked. Although the book had nothing to do with handling romantic relationships, it gave me a feeling of empowerment to stop whining and reacting to what other people did. I could, instead, allow people to react to what I do. This book gave me back my confidence after a nasty and prolonged bout of post break-up blues, especially when I started using the laws myself.
"The Black Swan" This is one of those Malcom Gladwell type of books. The venerated mathematician/scientist comes down from his lofty ivory tower to impart knowledge to the masses. As a genre, I'm over it. And this book is written in such a meandering way (the author desperate to prove he has a sense of humor in spite of making a living as a quant) that it feels tedious. Not to mention the guy is such a genius that he just can't do without his SAT words. I've taken statistics and econometrics courses and still found myself going, huh? The message of the book could be put into laymen's terms in probably about 10 pages. Life is a hell of a lot more random than we like to believe. The most important events in our lives (all our big breaks) are completely unpredictable. So, there is no sense in waiting around for anything to happen. And I mean anything. You might as well just go after what you want, and have a hell of a good time doing it.* As bored as I was during much of the book, I suppose all of the science-y talk made his point seem more valid and that was worth it. *This of course is a great argument for not tying yourself down with kids too early.
None of these books were technically in the "self-help" category per se. But, Cheese and Power are close conteders for the reviled section of the book store. For the record, I'd just like to say that I think it's bull shit that people scoff at self-help readers and are embarassed to read books that provide information that could very well improve the quality of their life. All it takes is a sentence, really. And that sentence could be anywhere. And let's face it, where else are you supposed to get your advice? Your stoner friends? Your parents who have nuggets but no concept of the social landscape their kids live in? I mean the idea that we know everything we need to know in order to be content is absurd. The idea that experience alone is enough to make us perfectly whole, happy, beings is even more absurd. All anyone knows is based on their own limited experience anyway. That includes your shrink. It makes sense to get different opinions.
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A bit of family history here: As a manager at Campuslink, I was given a copy of "Who Moved My Cheese," and never read it. Afterall, I was the office boy wonder at the time, what did I have to learn? I happened to be living with Dad at the time. Cut to today: Andrea and I were just discussing nominating Evan for the Talented/Gifted program, and of course the potential of failure was a concern. But what a great lesson to learn early on...failure is better than not trying despite what our egos tell us. As for my boy wonder status, it's long since lapsed along with my ambition to manage.
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