Exercise Until You Die

Because I couldn't add them at the bottom, you see before you three images, and I ask as you look at the last two: What is the story with older women and their over-worked sinewy figures? Hmm yuck. On the left you'll see a close up of Madonna's arms and to the right it is the ever so slight Sarah Jessica Parker. Parker has always claimed to be tiny naturally, and to eat whatever she wants...okay, I'll take her word for it, but does one just naturally have arms that look as though they could be the embalmed flesh of a dead triathelete? What I mean is they don't get like that without some sort of strength training, and that isn't by accident. Women over 40 attempting to stave off the aging process through excessive exercise seems to me to be an unfortunate circumstance of our obsession with youth. Maintaining a figure devoid of the natural deposits of fat on a woman's body (hips, butt, breasts, thighs) seems to be a great distortion of the idea of health. And is it any wonder that going to an extreme like this to feel younger actually makes these women look cadaverous?

It is the softness and fullness of a woman's body that denotes the very thing that makes us so universally desireable; it is surprising to me that in their pursuit of success the universal and timeless fascination with the feminine form is a type of power, inborn in them, so nonchalantly tossed aside. Now tell me, would you want those gesticulating appendages pitching an idea to you, with sunken faces rife with physical stress? Or perhaps would you be more willing to do what the woman in the top photo of the page suggests? That is Monica Belucci, who is 43. I realize her photo has the advantage of professional lighting, but those are her hips, breasts, and arms, which were more than likely reduced in size by a retoucher.

It is so easy

It is so easy to bury yourself in the things that make you forget what you really want, b/c it’s less scary than the prospect of failing, that the allure becomes like the force of a black hole pulling you inside.

But I think it's important to know that as long as you don't give up you'll get out of it. And I think it's comforting to know that everyone falls in sometimes, and that anyone is capable of being one of the few who are able to pull themselves back out.

The key is to notice yourself slipping, and to start climbing while your hand is still clinging to the edge, instead of letting yourself sink to the bottom.

You have to always be checking yourself, you have to always be cognizant.

Individouous Consumption

My cousin emailed me today and told me that instead of working she was checking out the dress sales at bluefly.com and Anthropologie, and how sad it was. I wrote her back:

Don't get me started, I just placed an order with Forever 21, and bought a pair of beautiful light brown knee high riding boots from Urban Outfitters that are backordered until the end of August. I'm kind of hoping, in my buyer's remorse, that they don't fit. They're pull on, which means I will agonize getting them on and off.

Why did I buy them? Because I think I NEED to have a pair of light brown boots to complement my black ones...and b/c this fall I've decided I am all about mixing brown with black. It's just an arbitrary decision that cost me $158, plus tax and shipping. I have a fantasy cart at the final sale in J.crew, and a few things in Banana too, which I'm justifing on the basis that I need a nice, black cardigan, and a light brown belt to go with my brown/black thing for the fall. So, add 38 and 48 to 158 and so far, that is how much my new style choice has cost. When fall does arrive I'll probably be over it.

Such is the gerbil wheel of life presented in all of its existential purposelessness -- yeah that's how you spell that word, I checked.

Fatty Splurge -- in favor of moderation

I just indulged in McDonald's, and I know that you don't eat it, but try to remember you're 11 and you still think it's awesome.

It was delicious, delectable, exquisite. I'll tell you why. There are days when I'm in a big rush, I'll run in and eat something, always making sure to eat the sandwich, and just a few fries; I don't enjoy it on the run, it sits like a cannoball in my stomach. And I've been very good about sticking to my groceries for economic and health reasons...but today, oh today my hormones were calling out for food, and not just any food.

McDonald's popped into my head, "I'll just go in and get a burger, just to taste", I told myself. But at the counter I ordered an entire meal. From the first sensation of savory salt beads attached to the fried potato...to the last swallow of the greasy bread housing a thin patty topped with pickles, ketchup, mustard, and onions I was in heaven. I can still lick the salty taste from off of my lips. The carbonation from the diet soda cleanses my palette as its bubbles slide down my throat. And I am satisfied.

My American appetite was allowed to run free this afternoon, for tomorrow it's back to hummus and pita, fruit and single servings of soup.

Pop

This is an email from my father in response to reading a paper I wrote for a psych class; it's clear where I get my intellectual bent from. I also love that he used the Greek spelling for, "chaos".

"Hi Marisa,

good luck with your exams. Your paper is excellent. I started out being a philosophy/psychology person, but found the study of theology encompassed both. It has the true history of humans hidden in verse written by humans. History being the whole picture, not just what man has done but who we are.

It is human nature to repeat history, which is why it is important to study history, so we can repeat the good and improve on the bad. Unfortunately, most just keep repeating the bad.

Your theory on questioning hits the nail on the head. It is only through questioning, I believe that one can grow personally and spiritually. Not so much outwardly, but inwardly, which is the true measure of one's self. Through this inward growth we take action.

Faith in something is action and questioning is the essence of the truest form of faith. The biggest risk we take in life is to question because there will be a result. We as humans find it very uncomfortable to not know what the result will be, so in many cases no action is taken.

If there is a God, which I believe there is, he/she loves it when we question our faith. It is the beginning of serenity and growth. In the business world one can question, but one needs to be very politically correct when doing so. With a higher power there are no politics just answers to questions. No questions are too ridiculous and the answers are risky, which I love. I find much peace in that. Some would call it Kaos. I call it letting go.

You mentioned science vs. self. We are a product of science, which starts with self and questions. All said and done Einstein thought the Bible was just a collection of silly children's stories. He is correct, because that is all we can really handle. He also said just before he died, "I want to know Gods thoughts everything else means nothing."

He believed in a higher power, because he could not figure everything out, so he felt there must be something else out there. The Bible he felt was just the best we could do as humans to record the answers, as feeble an attempt as it was. The only thing that separates us from science is passion for other human beings. My question to you is this. Where does that come from? Science does not have an answer.

I choose to believe there is something out there that is bigger than us. If one does not believe that, just stick a metal fork in a lite socket sometime. If one survives that, they will for sure have a new found humility. For lack of a better term (heaven), I will believe there is a better world until I am not there. Thanx for the insight.

Love,
Dad"

question

Two summers ago I was at my older brother's undergrad graduation party. I was explaining to a table of cousins, aunts, and my grandmother my plans to move to New York and what I wanted to do here. As I was talking, I saw the faintest shadow of doubt flicker in their eyes. If they had been less subtle I would have gotten the patronizing nod of affirmation. They didn't even have the wherewithal to smile at me as I was going on. I could see, perhaps, or feel the grating of memory on their minds of their faded intentions for their own lives. There was something about the energy at the table that was charged, and uncomfortable. When I was finished speaking I added an addendum to my diatribe: "Look, I know this all sounds naively optimistic", I said, "but I'm still young and I reserve that right!"

They smiled then as if what I said relieved them of whatever burden they felt for the possibility of my impending failure.

I'm wondering now, as I get older, what excuse I will have for retaining my idealism.