Food and Sex

Beth: So food and sex?

Me: Yeah

Beth: Which one?

Me: I don't know...it's hard.

Beth: You had to pick one for life...but you would still live, regardless

Me: Food. I still get to masturbate, right?

Beth: Yeah

Me: Food.

Beth: What if you couldn't masturbate?
Me: Sex

Also

I want to give a shout out to "Michael Jackson Guy" in Ann Arbor MI, you must be hurting now man. You took over one of the two alley ways in town, kept your boom box loud and did your thing. I hope you keep doing your thing.

Okay

I didn't know if I was going to make a comment about this because it's EVERYWHERE and everything you ever needed to know or wanted to know has already been said.

But I realized something in writing an email to my cousin, where I explained that after an obssession with Elvis movies at around the age of three, I moved on to MJ at around six or seven. I REALLY thought I was going to marry him. "Darrick had this poster on his wall of Michael with ET...which doesn't make sense, but it was a popular image and he was really young and still black, maybe one nose job in, and I just died when I saw that picture. It gave me stirrings every time." I then went on to explain that after my Dad went to work my mom would turn on MTV while she cleaned the house -- against his approval, he didn't want us watching it.

Some of my earliest memories include Madonna in that pink "material girl" dress (what little girl wouldn't go apeshit over that?) And Michael Jackson. I can still see one of his videos and remember how old I was, where I was living, who my friends were etc. Something that I can't say for Madonna. Or really any other artist...

The landscape of my life would have been different had this person's talent not existed, or been shown. For one person to have an impact like that on so many millions of people is noteworthy and awe inspiring.

And I leave you with the photo that provided my young self with my first tinges of heterosexuality. Thanks Michael, for everything.

I was just thinking...

About how frustrating it is to deal with men you are meeting for the first time at a social gathering. And I would just like to say for the record, gentlemen, that there is a difference b/n a girl being nice and humoring you -- in which case you are not getting laid -- and flirting, in which case there is a solid possibility you are getting laid.

This is something that any adult male should be aware of, to avoid for himself his own frustration and embarassment.

If I smile at you, after you've approached me and started talking, I'm being nice. If I answer your questions congenially and let you buy me a drink, I'm being nice. If I shake your hand, but keep my own physical distance after a minute, I'm being nice. And if after five minutes I say I have to find a friend, or go to the ladies' but promise to be right back...I'm not coming back. I may have laughed at your jokes, I may have been sitting with my legs crossed towards you...but if the rest of the signs are there, no matter how interested you think I am or wish I was...I'm not.

On the other hand, if I smile at you or look your way more than once BEFORE you've approached me, I'm attracted. If I shake your hand, but after a minute lean in closer so that I can hear better above the noise, I'm attracted. If I thank you for buying the drink, I'm interested. If more than five minutes go by without me excusing myself...let's say 15 or 20 minutes, then I'm coming back because I'm interested. If I touch my hair, you'll probably be touching it later too.

Please take this advice to heart. Don't make us be a bitch, we don't want to be one and we're mostly always interested in making a friend (provided you don't creep us out)...who knows maybe we'll introduce you to a gal who's the best sex you've ever had.

This is embarassing

The fact that anyone would know who these people are...let alone the entire country is a shame.

They had too many babies...on accident. And yet Kate's distinctive, "I'm-this-close-to-coming-out-of-the-closet" hairstyle is considered entertaining discussion.

Has anyone mentioned the fact that John looks slightly like he has Downs Syndrome? No? well, then let me be the first.

Albert Einstein is my favorite historical figure. If you read anything about him, or go through a list of his quotes you'll see that not only is he tuned into the workings of our universe, but is also enlightened spiritually. He is a classic story of simply putting one foot in front of the other, even after rejection and failure. He is without inhibition in the expression of his thought processes. He gives his brain free reign. Even through adulthood he managed to buck conventional thought and wisdom and stay true to the openness most of us seem to lose as children.

The reason why physics is such a beautiful science is that it uses mathematics -- the language of God (or spirituality), transliterated and transcribed by men -- to exhibit the perfection of the world we live in. In a metaphysical sense perfection is said not to exist, but within the scope of symmetry, movement, numbers like pi, and phi...it truly does, inspiring awe and acceptance of our existence. As he put it, "the spirit manifest in the laws of the universe"

So, the moral of this post is, don't let your kids fail at math, and if you have itunes go to podcasts and type in "Einstein & the Mind of God", pretty interesting stuff.

ps -- my use of the word, "God", in no way affiliates me with any organized religion, I remain truly agnostic.

I kind of always knew it was ham...but ever since I saw it at a Trader Joe's...I wondered. So, from Wikipedia:

Prosciutto (English pronunciation: /prəˈʃuːtoʊ/,[1]) is the Italian word for ham. In English, prosciutto almost always used for an aged, dry-cured, spiced Italian ham that is usually sliced thin and served uncooked; this is called prosciutto crudo 'raw ham' in Italian and distinguished from prosciutto cotto 'cooked ham'. The most renowned and expensive legs of "prosciutto" come from central and northern Italy (Tuscany and Emilia in particular), such as Prosciutto di Parma, and those of Friuli-Venezia Giulia, such as Prosciutto di San Daniele.

Ode to the "Qwasawwwn"

This morning I saw you in the glass starbucks case, and your golden, buttery exterior caught my eye. You looked fresh, which peaked my interest, stacked there amongst your comrades.

What did I want today? Were you on the list? No. But you took me by surprise. You don't have the brown promise of chocolate, or the blue distinction of embedded fruit. Neither do you have red ribbons of rhubarb, nor the sunny stickiness of a lemon tart. You don't offer the crisp edges of a toasted bagel, or the firm crumbliness of a vanilla scone. You don't flash your offer of morning satisfaction with loud, conspicuous appearance. You are subtle. You are a masterpiece of French ingenuity. You are melting, warm, soft, perfection.

Megan Fox

Congratulations Megan Fox...I'm not even going to degrade you by posting a photo. You are the first recipient of my "you're not a retard" award.

I have to admit it, whether she's spinning a bad girl image or not. She's smart, wise beyond her years actually. In fact, she's the first celebrity that I would say I'd like to meet.

I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth.

We're back to basics

All right, here's one that is not about what a person is wearing, but more about something completely idiotic that they said publicly. Erin Wasson is a model wannabe (insert any other job in the fashion industry). In an interview she gave with the New York Times a while back she said that she wished women with bad ankles would stop wearing leggings. Wow, I guess this is evidence that a lack of food effects brain functioning. If she had said women with cankles shouldn't wear leggings...it would have been bitchy, but at least made sense. What exactly is a bad ankle? An achilles tendon that protrudes too much, or not enough?

Here is what I would love to approach Ms. Wasson and say, "you know, women completely without tits should not wear v-necks of any kind...in fact all shirts are wasted on a flat chested woman, they should probably just not leave home at all. And your knee caps are embarassing, probably shouldn't wear shorts either."