No place will ever fulfill you or make you happy, no person, no activity, no level of good looks, no amount of drugs. You have to fulfill yourself. You cannot do this until you know who you are. You cannot do this until you let go of all the guilt and anger you have about past relationships; it takes time and reflection and being on your own. You have to stop dead in your tracks. And hash it out with yourself. Find the things you feel passionately about and pursue them with no expectations for success. Don't simply do the things that make you feel good. Do the things that make you feel good about yourself. Breathe. Deeply. Think of the last thing that caused you upset, imagine it, and then say to yourself "I forgive myself for...." That's how it starts.