Let's Talk Shit

Recently, I've been in a few conversations (and I suppose as a girl am perpetually in them) where a person is talking about another person and I can tell they are either sugar coating what they think and want to say, or if they just can't control themselves start making excuses for their rant. They'll say something like, "I'm not talking shit, but...I don't want to gossip, it's just that...I really like so-and-so, don't get me wrong..." to those of you, myself included, who are guilty of this practice, shut the fuck up. Seriously.

This "gossip" phobia is nothing more than an archaic leftover of our puritanical beginnings. I have similar feelings about jealousy and how we're made to feel guilty over it. We either hide it away or are forced to uncomfortably treat is as a joke. Jealousy happens, arguments happen, feelings get hurt, your opinion of people you care for goes up and down. And guess what? With these fluctuations comes the need to express those feelings. So, we've created a wonderful euphamism for gossiping; you're not gossiping if you're "venting" instead.

Is it really wrong to express a negative opinion about someone you know, to another person, provided it's true? A.) they'll either never know about it, or B.) if your confessor tells that person, so what. Which leads me to another point. Not a single one of us is liked by everyone we interact with, we put out more annoying/bad vibes than we can imagine. Because of our own irrational fears of being disliked, we've decided it's wrong to express a dislike for another person. Trust me, you are disliked (and strongly) by someone, probably more than one someone. There can be only one universally liked person, and I think the Buddha and Jesus are the front runners.

I suppose my point is to say, 'admit that you think it's unfair that your best friend owned a maserati at 23 and you were still driving your mom's minivan. You're not "talking shit" you're being honest about your feelings. It's okay that you're jealous -- say so, seriously. It's okay that you think you've worked harder and he's gotten all the breaks. Say it to his face, or tell your girl/guy and if it gets back to him, so what, it's the truth. Let it out, and then, let it go. If he can't understand how he might feel the same way in a similar situation, probably not a great friend to begin with.'

In conclusion...this thing we have about "talking shit" and "gossiping" and even jealousy is ridiculous. It forces people to lie and fake their way through relationships and life. Don't do it.

And PS -- if we lived in a culture where it was normal practice to talk honestly about how we feel, we would probably feel the need to "vent" a lot less often. Being more comfortable with ourselves, what other people say and do wouldn't affect us so dramatically.