So last night I got into a disagreement with Masha. My need to play devil's advocate came mostly from an annoyance about the way she made her case and less about the actual issue itself.
She is hardly ever at home, maybe three nights a week, never during the day. She's also a hypochondriac and has an unbelievably low threshold for discomfort of any kind b/c she's an only child. She is bothered by anything that causes her the slightest discomfort and thinks that she should be granted the right to have everything HER way.
A while ago Dan asked her to not open her window without a screen b/c it lets bugs in. Her argument was that it's her room and she can do with it what she wants and it was wrong of Dan to ask that of her. All she would have had to do was buy a screen, which she hasn't done.
Last night Dan asked if I wanted to go smoke on the roof, and then kind of out of nowhere Masha said to me, "Do you mind not smoking in your room anymore?" I was surprised and the nicotene addict in me was adamantly opposed to the idea. I said, "I kind of do mind, actually."
Her arguments were so weak, obviously bullshit, and the worst part is that she actually changed the tone of her voice to one that was more whiny and childish than it usually is, while she seemed to be on the point of tears. Clearly, this a tactic she uses to get her way. What's sad is that it's worked so much she's adopted it into adulthood.
She said that her room "fills with smoke", which I had to correct her and say wasn't physically possible. Then she said that she asked Dan if this was a smoking apt when she moved in and he said no, so she expected there not to be smoking and therefore I shouldn't smoke. I told her that when I moved in (months before her) smoking in my room was okay, so I have a different expectation, and asked her why her expectation was more important than mine. She answered b/c smoke is bad for you. But it isn't an issue of second hand smoke, since my door is kept closed and she isn't in my vicinity.
What she's really talking about is not liking the smell, but even she knows that is a little ridiculous, so she keeps up the smoke issue saying that it gives her headaches (and this is when the verge of tears tactic comes in), she literally whines about the "headaches" three times. This is, however, the first time she's ever said that she has gotten headaches from the smoking, she's lived in the apt for six months, which leads me to believe it's a bullshit lie.
She says that she's sick, which she is right now. So I tell her that I respect the fact that she's ill and won't smoke during that time, but I can't concede to stopping on a permanent basis. I remind her that she's hardly ever home, so she tells me that fine, I can smoke when she isn't there, but not when she is. This totally negates her first request that I quit smoking in my own room altogether.
Then she says that she doesn't understand why I smoke in my room when it's so "easy" to go outside. I live at the top of a three floor walk up where occasionally in the summer time fights break out across the street and it's a good idea to be indoors and not to seem like a busybody. The hatch on the roof is a hassle, not to mention the ladder you have to climb up to access the roof. I don't tell her these things but instead stick to the real issue which is that I pay rent to live in the apartment and use my bedroom area as I choose.
Her argument is falling to pieces now. She mentions the window/screen incident and says that "fine", if I'm going to smoke in my room then she's going to open her window without a screen whenever she pleases. She then says in reference to the discomfort my smoking causes her , "well it's mostly when more than one person is in your room smoking." She has completely defeated her purpose and revealed the truth. All she had to ask for was there not to be a group of people smoking in my room when she's at home because the smell of smoke is really bothersome. I would have bitterly conceeded, but conceeded nonetheless. I should mention that it's rare for there to be more than myself smoking in my room.
One of the best parts was when she said that's she's "mentioned it before." I was tempted to explain to her that I am not her mother and it isn't my job to parse her whining into hints in order to make her life as easy and carefree as possible; but we have to choose our battles.
Satisfied with my victory, I have decided to try and not smoke in my room on the nights when Masha is home. Smoking is bad for me and I could stand to cut back.
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