Ladies and Gents..PRE-SEN-TING the world's youngest looking septuagenarian!

Don't act like you haven't thought exactly the same thing yourself.

The question is, if everyone knows, why isn't anyone talking about it?

Promises...Promises

So, I have all of these ideas about ongoing segments for this blog...which I don't seem to be very good at following through with.

• Making fun of celebrity quotes
• Urban Dictionary words of the day
• Bunipedia
• Favorite People in History
• philosophical ruminations

I am posting this as a reminder to myself...and I swear that when I get done with school I'm going to keep up with these.

Things that are starting to get on my nerves

1.) Ingenue/starlet/"I gave someone a blowjob for my fifteen minutes" type of girl steadfastly adhereing to a hippie/boho style of dress, as if this somehow validates her sense of fashion. Mischa Barton, Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, Vanessa Hudgens...etc.
1a.) The fact that Zac Effron hasn't broken up with Vanessa Hudgens yet. I mean he seems like a cool guy.
1b.) The fact that I care.

2.) Once you've seen about 200 of them, movies start to become copies of copies of copies and are pretty f-ing boring. There hasn't been a new horror movie villain worth being afraid of in probably two decades. Nameless zombies, romantic vampires, and vengeful ghosts are starting to make me feel like Bill Murray in Groundhoug day. COME UP WITH SOMETHING NEW. At the very least give us the ghost of a deceased vampire (replete with a stake in his heart) who is seeking revenge for his once mortal mother who was turned into a zombie.

3.) Jessica Simpson dressing badly. I'm fucking tired of it, Jess. You're a sexy woman with a sexy body and for some reason you just cannot get it together to wear something that flatters it -- ever. The lucky thing about being curvy is that you don't have to stay a size zero and you can still be hot, but you have to know how to dress yourself or hire someone else who does.
3a.) when people use the term "curvy" as a euphamism for fat, so that when a person refers to "curvy" women or a "curvy" woman everyone thinks they mean fat...curvy, imo, is having tits and an ass AND a waist. Fat is not. This word should be a huge compliment, and unfortunately makes non-skinny girls everywhere cringe when they hear it b/c of its misuse. And that grinds my gears.

Gwyneth and I might be soul mates

From Goop:

"I am going back to my day job this spring (filming a movie)."

And I was just wondering the other day to myself, "If Gwyneth Paltrow had to define what her day job is, what exactly would that be?"

It's kind of like she can read my mind.

It's gonna be a boy...or is already, technically

Congrats to April and Garth Bungard of the Ace Deuce, MI. May your baby be enormously fat, well endowed, and well tempered. I'll miss our wild nights on the town, but chubby baby feet is a fair trade.

Ben

I think the following exerpts from a recent gchat with Ben speak for themselves...

Benjamin: Were they filming one of those truth commercials? Smoking kills homeless people.
Benjamin: I found out what your sweedish friend does for a living: http://www.autospies.com/news/Swede-Works-On-Perfecting-Driver-s-SEX-Seat-Police-NOT-Happy-42991/
Benjamin: hahahaha it just keeps getting better
Benjamin: word, I always follow vajayjay as well just not my own obviously hardy hoo
Benjamin: They ARE kids! College punks There is a porn star who is a barista at the starbucks in m___'s building
Benjamin: dude, I READ YOUR BLOG
Benjamin: but fuck, my apartment feels crowded because of paper mail, and books
I want to punch everyone that wears Ray Bans in the face
me: but reading [books] on a computer screen...it's just so...tacky
Benjamin: And I am SO afraid of being tacky
like if I wasn't tacky i'd get more pussy?
me: no, b/c you're married, and that's your own fault
Benjamin: theoretical pussy
pussy as a currency
like cigs in jail
Benjamin: The worst thing you can do for hipsters is to look at them when they walk by
Then you've given them self purpose
by looking at them you are supporting their behavior
I prefer to pretend they don't even exist.
they are co-dependent on attention
without it they have no power
me: What's with the hipster rant?
Benjamin: I dunno
me: The girl D__ is fucking is a total hipster. So much so that she denies it...and then gives it a different name!
Benjamin: Which OF COURSE means you are
me: I'm blogging you
Benjamin: alright I'm big time now
me: you know it

This might be the gayest scarf that ever lived

Someone should write its life story.