R.E.S.P.E.C.T What the Hell Does That Mean to Me?

I wrote a post a little while ago that got the most comments ever, about five, three of which were from my brother and myself. But, two strangers (exciting!) read the post and were compelled to voice their disapproval while slinging personal judgments, bordering on insults, at me. Ahh...the Internet. We reap what we sow.

The fact is I grew up with four brothers and because of my comfort level hanging with the guys I've had some pretty close friendships with men, the result being the chance to peek into their conversations with other guys. While I suspect a lot of macho BS about not liking their girl nearly as much as they do is expressed, I've found that women project a lot of romantic notions on to their relationships (especially the young ones) that just aren't true. I have a different perspective on relationships than most women (And most women don't like that) If they knew how men really thought, they would too.

One person who commented wanted to focus on cheating and why it's wrong. Apparently, I've never been in an "adult" relationship (no arguments there) and have forgotten about having respect for myself. My response to these comments garnered a "you're being defensive" rebuttal. God forbid I'd like to defend myself against misconceptions.

My only question is what does this term "respect for myself" really mean? Why is the concept that I would want to have sex with someone just to have sex with him and (perish the thought!) not want to see him again after that not an option here?

It would seem that--as a female--a sexual encounter should necessarily lead to a committed relationship and that is always the end game hoped for. To not get it means that I allowed a man to violate me in vain, which also means that I don't have any respect for myself. Right? Is that it? I have to admit, I'm clueless.

I think a lot of men secretly hate women. And I think a lot of women secretly hate sex. To have sex is, in some sense, a violation because they don't allow themselves to like it; Girls who like it are bad, are slutty, are...not kosher. And because sex is a break-in, to do it at all means that part of their sense of integrity is given up when they lay down. The only thing that justifies such an act is to get something in return, i.e., a boyfriend, a husband, without this thing they can covet for their sacrifice they have no self respect and since we all assume everyone is exactly like us, and should be, we accuse them of not having it either. And I think that's dumb. Sorry.

I watched the movie "A Star is Born" recently starring Barbra Streisand. I saw it on Netflix and thought what the hell, "I love Barbra. This was a big hit when it came out; it might be good." In one scene Barbra's rock star husband is in bed with a reporter and Barbra walks in. In the film, it's the one and only time he cheated on her. So, Barb walks in, sees it and stays calm until the girl leaves. She gets pretty pissed after that. But, when her husband asks if it's about the girl she simply says, "Give me more credit than that." And goes on to say that it's about the problems in their marriage. I have to agree. The idea of them breaking up over him being in bed with another women was too stupid to even talk about, because it didn't matter, given that the problem was not habitual.

Times have changed. But, change doesn't alwasy mean progress. Today, women torture themselves about whether or not they should leave their husband/boyfriend after an indescretion. Partly because they're scared to death other women will slander them as "weak", "co-dependent" or some other phrase the feminist movement has painted with a negative conotation when referring to women. It's a personal decision that we don't have the right to judge based on specific and personal circumstances.

Although making love with someone you're with and in love with is wonderful and preferable, engaging in sex, although it doesn't "matter" does not mean you're someone without self respect. It could simply mean you're someone who chooses not to deny their sexuality in the name of man-made morality. I am not advocating cheating. I am acknowledging it happens. I do, however, advocate safe, one-night matterless sex with other singles. With a big ol' brunch the next day loaded with self-respect.

My only regret with this post is that I gave the impression I'm a harlot who sleeps with tons of guys in relationships, when I just meant to say that well, when you're young and not married, relationships aren't the life and death situations we make them out to be. If someone really matters, if you really have a connection, you'll keep in touch. You'll forgive whatever you have to forgive and at the very least you'll be friends. If you can't be lovers, you'll survive, you'll get over it. That's all.